A little inspiration, confidence, and happiness

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So I have a few followers.  I don’t know how that happened but I’m totally flattered. Probably going to lose them after this post. This blog post is about my addiction, my love, and my flaw. 
Cocaine. Them sweet spicy white crystals that burn your nose and numb your lips. I love them.
A presentation comes up, a dance at the strip club and even a job interview. Them little white crystals make everything all better. I know its bad. I just can’t stop.
Its really a stupid story but how I started? I’m a big girl. A fat girl. A girl that’s overweight, and almost all drug addicts are skinny bone thin people. I wanna be like that. So I started cocaine… its very addictive and I just kind of stuck with it. Lemme tell you I haven’t lost not a single lbs from my drug use, but now when I try to quit I go into a dark place.
The shakes, the shivers. The crying and the pain. If I’ve gone a few days without my powder. My body loses its mind and I lose my control of how I feel. I no longer can function. I become mean and crabby, and the only thing on my mind is the sweer powder.
Its a major part of my life. That’s why its getting its own blog post.. I know I need help. Try not having enough money to get into rehab or treatment. I wish I could get better with help. Until then.
I’m Cupcake and I pray I don’t die.

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Bad decisions for that love feeling..

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My first thought of my weekend was great.  In my mind it was a bomb ass weekend.  Then a friend set me straight and I realized I made a huge mistake.  Friday afternoon I picked up my best friend from work. We headed up north to visit our old college. We still have alot of friends up there. People we miss and like seeing.  Especially this guy. His name well that doesnt matter. He’s still in college and he plays football. At one point last year I was in love with him, but he wasn’t in love with me. He said over the summer he would visit.  He never did. But he begged I come see him at school. Everyone I get near him I get nervous and shy. Unless of course I’m a little drunk then that liquid confidence goes to work. Everytime we see each other we hook up. No its not healthy but for an hour or so I feel loved and that feels amazing. I don’t get that anywhere else.  So this last time I was not on birth-control and I had asked him if he had condoms.  He did say yes and I had some as well. I forgot them in the car, and he well he didn’t wanna use them. I crave that feeling off love and being wanted so we went for it unprotected and he released inside an everything. Yeah about 12 hours after that I got the morning after pill but I’m scared.. I’m freaking out.  And I don’t know what to do. 
The stupid things I do for that love feeling.
This is Cupcake. Signing out.

Who knew a romper could change a girls day.

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Yesterday was a terrible day. Self-esteem it hit the floor. The smidge of confidence I had wipped of the face of the earth. This weekend I was informed that I have a bipolar like attitide, I’m a fat cow, and I’m ugly and look like a really old person.. and yesterday I was rereminded… have you ever felt like everything is wrong with your body, and you can’t seem to find one thing you like about yourself? Well it is a terrible feeling. I’ve always wondered how life would be different: if only I had good long straight hair, or what would be the case if I was 70 lbs lighter. The what ifs kill me.
On another note most girls like shopping and I found two rompers on major sale I bought two extra large. The first one didn’t fit and fat cow ran back through my head… happy point of the day. I can at least get the second one on. It doesn’t look great and its not extremely comfortable but it’s a start.
So who knew a romper could change a girls day.
Cupcake Signing Off